It's been over 2 months since I left home and made it out west to California, and seemingly my fixation and obsession with Colorado has yet to weaken. I pride myself in seeing the genuine consequences of situations and decisions, and I have yet to fully comprehend the broad and vast consequences of my actions. Daily seemingly, I'm exposed to more horrific images and scenes of humanity. If materialism and self-interest were social issues needing attention in Colorado, it is a fervent fundamentalist religion here, where all bow, all pray to the almighty self.

Of the most painful deficiencies I joust with, is a major lack of community. Californians care about no one other than themselves. Just yesterday I passed by a car with a young person hitch hiking right next to his parked car with a gas drum in his hands. I would have instantly and instinctively picked up the person in Colorado, but here I fought my conscience all the way up the hill justifying my rude and detached behavior as I passed him by. It's these daily battles that make the yearning humanity to reveal itself that much more difficult. The simple fact however, it that I simply have lost trust in all of mankind in it's most general and broad way.

Additional events that drive my ache for home are my own consciousness. Nightly I dream about opportunities to move back to Colorado, as if I tease myself into creating false plausibility for this to take place. At its worst, I catch brief rushes of the Colorado mountain air ravaging through my nostrils, and for a brief glimpse, I feel at home. At it's best, there are instances, split seconds where I feel I'm beginning to grasp the overall idea on the beneficial circumstances of me going through this experience.

I am left however with a new revelation in ideas and goals for life. I now see the extreme value in the most rudimentary of human traits, so I am growing a beard and refuse to cut my hair. Despite its obvious lack of genuine value, it does help me remain human in this desolate land of aesthetic gimmicks which poorly try and replace human values. Additionally, you'll be happy to hear my new goal is to grow my family, by having another baby, and buy a house. It's time, now, more than ever to embrace the fact that my soul craves simplicity and genuine human experiences and happiness. It's time to come home, just now I'm working on it, and hopefully in the spring, as the flowers of life blossom and begin their temporal bloom, I'll be headed over the rocky mountains, coming back to my roots, and my family. I love you all.

Jed Salazar