So yesterday, I left you and Mariana... again.
Leaving you and my daughter the first time was a bit surreal and definitely unpredictable. Only being gone a week and the massive overwhelming new amount of information keeping me busy 25 hours a day, combined with the fact I was only gone for a week, didn't exactly illuminate the full breadth of pain that was to come. Then came the inevitable and even longer leaving, 2 weeks alone in my new "home", Santa Monica. The joy and excitement of this phenominal opportunity was almost immediately soured and underscored by the realization that you and my daughter weren't there. Evey morning I arose under a shadow of a bit of depression.
That was a silly premise for yesterday. After spending a couple of weeks away from you and Mariana I returned to your moms house truly feeling like a stranger. I was at odds with a bout of insecurities because I wasn't the focal center of attention. I was a tad bitter at all the attention you were giving your mom, Tim, and Keith. Childish jealousy? You don't say. ;) This propelled the bad feelings. It was an odd situation. I felt like I was seriously just a visitor. I apologize for the bitterness that ensued.
All that leads up to the fact that leaving you again, made me feel even more like an odd man out and outsider. This weekend will be exactly what we need, some time alone. Some time to remind me that I'm yours and you're mine. Even though Mariana won't be there, some time together, even if chaotic in the midst of a unpacking frenzy, will an invaluable paradise. So, all that said, this is just passing feelings I didn't know would happen and admittedly derive from my own internal loneliness and feelings like this is my move and not my family's move. This weekend will hopefully work to remedy those silly feelings.
Oh baby, how I miss you so much. Hurry up and get down here. Make this my home, and give me my life back. I love you, and I thought you were owed an explanation after my actions over the weekend. Please forgive me, and come spend a weekend with your hubby!
Your Jed.
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Baby, after reading your post, your reaction makes much more sense and I wish I could start the weekend all over again and do it differently. I feel like I have so many obligations here so that I am not being a burden and I let that distract me from what was truly important... you being here with me finally. I am truly sorry and am looking forward to making it up to you this weekend. I cannot wait to see what will be our home... do you hear that... this is definitely our move, baby. You are not in this alone.
I love you.
Your Meg
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